Singing

Dear Mom,

Tuf has started to sing! Josh and I sing a lot around the house. Well the other day, Josh started singing a song (way off key) and when he stopped, Tuf picked up singing while he was playing with the baby monitor. It was just him making sounds and holding out the notes. When Tuf stopped singing, Josh picked up singing again. They kept going back and forth. It was soooo adorable! When Tuf would stop, I would say, "Tuf, are you singing? That is so pretty! Good job!" Hoping that it would encourage him to do it more. Yesterday after church, I was singing a song and he would try to sing it back to me. It warms my heart to know that I am passing on the love of music to my boys! I didn't realize that they could pick it up this early!

Tate has finally started bouncing in his Jumperoo! He just started this weekend. We began putting him in it about 2 weeks ago just giving him something to look at and play with. Sunday night, I put him in it so I could do a few things and all of a sudden, I saw it bouncing! It was so cute. He wouldn't laugh or anything, but you could tell he was so surprised when it started bouncing up and down. He did it a few times. He is growing up!

I wish I could see you see these boys.
I miss you.
Kam

My Boys

Dear Mom,

I am so overwhelmed with the joy my boys bring me everyday.

 Sometimes Tuf isn't the happiest child because he is breaking in teeth, but he still has his sweet moments. He is so funny. He is straight faced, but is going to be hilarious. Tuf will have a dry sense of humor.

I mean look at him...(not the Nascar carseat, Mom! I know, so ridiculous but cute in a way, right? No? Ok.) He is rotten!

Now, Tate-Tate will always be happy! He is full of smiles. He will smile just because you look at him. You don't even have to smile to make him smile. It's like when you talk to him, he becomes so bashful and embarassed that he makes the cutest smile! Ahh! I could eat him up!

Here they are together. They love each other so much already. Who would've thought that a 1 year old would love a baby as much as Tuf loves Tate! And Tate totally knows who his brother is because he is always staring and smiling at him.

(Once again, please ignore the "characters" on their couch. I know, I know, you don't like characters, but it was a gift for Tuf...and it makes a good "tummy time" mat for Tate because it is so colorful!)

I'm overwhelmed. Who knew I could love this much?

I miss you.
Kam

Tubes

Hey Mom.

I'm stressing out. Tuf was recommended to get tubes in his ears. I'm worried because my little boy is about to have a surgical procedure. Tuf has had about four ear infections in about nine months. Josh and Justin both had to get tubes when they were little because of constant ear infections. Dad mentioned that Kylee and I had ear infections a lot, but we never had tubes put in. I think that is what makes me the most nervous because it is foreign. I have heard a lot of people say how easy the procedure is and that Tuf will never notice, but it isn't helping my worries any.

I don't want my baby to have to go under anesthesia in the first place. The nurse said it was general anesthesia, which I think is laughing gas, but it is anesthesia none the less. He is just too little. He just turned one for Heaven's sake!

Second, I don't want something not normal in his body. They're going to put little tiny tubes in his ear canals. I don't want him to be uncomfortable in any way. What are we going to do when he has to go swimming? Will we have to put that wax in his ears?

Will it hurt him? Will he pitch a fit when we try to put the wax in so he can get in the pool? What will happen when water does get in his ears? My biggest problem is that I don't want my baby to be in any sort of pain. I would take it for him any day...every day if I had to. He has no clue what is about to happen to him. I don't want Tuf to be scared when we take him to the hospital to have this done. I am doing my best to protect him from these things.

It is supposed to take only 15-20 minutes. That shouldn't be too bad, right? Maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am making this a bigger deal than it should be. My anxiety levels are so high worrying about what Tuf might think or how he will react to it all. I just need to breathe...breathe. Wooosssaaahhh!

Josh will be with us when we take him to get it done. It is a short recovery time, so maybe he will be just fine. I need Josh there. I couldn't take him there on my own. Josh is my rock and I need him there to help me stay relaxed just as much as Tuf needs him.

Ok. I guess I am done stressing. Maybe. For now.

I love you.
Kam

Independence

I have one question for you: How did you do it?

Tuf is now at the stage of independence. He does not need any help walking, eating, or playing.

He now knows the word, "No" or as he says it, "Na-Na!" In a sense it is hilarious hearing him say it. Josh will say, "Do you want to sit in your carseat?" and Tuf will reply, "Na-Na-Na." The other day I took Tuf to Tallahassee with me to shop for Josh a birthday gift. We went to Nu-berri to get yogurt and then walked along the sidewalk of the shopping center. I let him walk by himself so he could have fun and when he would get close to the outside, I would grab his hand and move him closer to the shops and he would shout, "Na! Na! Na! Na! Na!" It was so funny, I couldn't help but laugh.

My biggest struggle is with eating. He no longer is eating a lot because he insists on feeding himself with a spoon. I cannot hold a spoon nor get close to him while he is eating because he will pitch a fit thinking I am going to help him. I praise his efforts to make him think that he is doing a great job eating all the time thinking it will boost his self-esteem and back him down some, but it doesn't work. Every now and then I can correct the way he is holding his spoon/fork. If he thinks I am going to feed him, though, it is an all out water-works. Big crocodile tears come out and he is officially done. So do I just not help him at all? Do I let him pitch these fits or should I punish them? Time-out only makes things worse because it hurts his feelings. He is a sensitive little guy when it comes to his feelings. I'm sure I'll figure it out...I have to. So far I have just been sitting within a far distance (but close enough to reach him) and taking deep breaths. "Wooossaaahhh!" I just tell myself to breathe. "Breathe, Kamryn! You're not breathing! Breathe! Ahhhh..."

Maybe I'm just not ready for him to be independent. A good side, he does still cuddle at night and in the morning...for a minute or so.


A quick funny story: This morning, I went in Tuf's room to wake him up. Usually I rub his back and talk to him to get him up, but this morning, I started singing to him. I was singing, "Where is Tuf-man? Where is Tuf-man? Here he is! Here he is!" to the tune of "Where is Thumbkin?" He loves that song and will do some of the motions when he watches it on his Sing-A-Long DVD. Well, as I was singing it this morning to him to wake him up he started doing the motions. It was hilarious! He was laying down with his thumb in his mouth, eyes closed, and on the other hand, he was wiggling his pointer finger doing the motions. When he heard me laughing, he woke up smiling.

It's the little things, huh?

I love you.
Kam

Just a Few Thoughts

So, I'm thinking about doing Zumba at the dance place here. I think it's a mixture of a bunch of Latin dances put together for a workout. I think it would be so fun! Remember Alison and I used to do the Latin dance and Hip Hop dance class at Valdosta State at the Rec Center? I enjoyed it so much, but then again, I was with my friend. We'll see how this goes. I may be a fish out of water since everyone here only hangs out with the same people they grew up with...no one new. Oh well! I'm not worried. I think it's so funny how there's so many cliques here. There's a lot of people here in Perry, but they only hang out with their clique that they have been with since Kindergarten or before. There are so many people worried about their social status. They only send their kids to a certain school because only the kids with a good last name go there. There's even some people who go to a special church only because the high society people go there. Whatever happened to just going to a church because you enjoy the music and understand what the pastor is preaching? I don't understand the small-town life.

Anyways...

Tuf is really getting to be a funny kid. He has a friend (who is actually a distant cousin) who's name is Emmie. Tuf loves her so much and follows her everywhere! He calls her "Meh-mee." HAHA. He knows how to say Tate and calls him "Tay-Tay." He can also say "Papa," "Ma-Ma," "Dooce" (juice), "ba-ba" (Tate's bottle), "Da!" (Dad), "Bah" (ball), "ee" (t.v.), and "Go-go" (Aunt Gopher). Tuf loves being outside. His whole attitude will change if you just take him out. He likes riding on the lawnmower, tractor, and 4-wheeler. He is definitely a boy. Love the dirt and being outside!

Tate-Tate is now trying to sit up in his Boppy pillow. Usually it's when he is mad. The pillow is U-shaped and I put him in it so he can sit up a little more than laying on the bed. Usually I feed him in it. He has learned to put his elbows back when you lay him on it and push up! It may just be an ab-work out for babies, but he is so funny about it!

I love you so much. I hope you are proud of me and my babies!

Kam

Two Things

1. Tuf fake crying


2. Choir


So, Tuf has learned to fake cry! It is so funny. He will squint his eyes and look at you and make a high-pitched noise. It is so funny that he has figured it out. I'll say, "Tuf, are you crying?" and he will go, "ahhhh!" really quiet and high-pitched. Kids are so funny how they pick up those things. I think he got it from "The Wheels on the Bus" because they say, "The babies on the bus go 'wah, wah, wah.'" I laugh at him daily. He has such a cute personality!

I joined the choir a few weeks ago. I am so proud of myself! I joined to do the Easter play, but the more I sang praise and worship songs at practice, the better I felt during the week. This is where God wants me to be, I just know it! I think this is how you felt. When I sang my solo at the Easter thing on Palm Sunday and then when I sing up front in the quartet, I just feel like you. I feel like this is something you would have been so proud of. I think of this video Mimi gave me of you singing in church when Kylee and I were little. I feel like you. This makes me feel so good and like this is in God's will for me. Thanks for sending me the message.

I love you so much.

Kam

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I decided I needed to get my words out. I think about you everyday and want to call you all the time, so I decided I would blog to you. They say that when you write things down, it is a better way to help with your feelings, so I am going to do it the modern way. No pen and paper for me!

Here is an update on my life since you have been chillin' with God:

1. I graduated college! Woop Woop!
2. I got my first big girl teaching job! I worked at Perry Primary School doing ESE Resource. Basically I pulled out the kids who had an IEP and needed extra help in Reading and Math.
3. Josh and I had a wonderful baby boy named Tuf Joshua Sands on December 29, 2010. In case you don't know, that is one year after we had the funeral for you. You know, God does some pretty awesome things. I think he gave us Tuf so that we don't only think of that time as a sad part of our lives. God brought you home, and gave us a baby angel!
4. Josh and I got married on July 7, 2011. I know, you probably wanted me to have a wedding, but we just decided to elope. Kylee and David were there, though! It was special to us.
5. I got a different job at the high school! I now do ESE English. Basically it's an integrated class with regular ed students and students who have an IEP. I love love love my job! It is so fun being at the high school. I feel like you being with the big kids. :)
6. Kylee had a baby! Dailee Jayne Howard was born on December 14, 2011. She is an angel baby! You know, I love her like I love my boys. She is my only girl and is going to be rotten! Don't worry Mom, I will spoil her for you, too! I think she is going to be just like Kylee was when she was little. She is now only 3 1/2 months and can already roll over! She wants to go-go-go!! Kylee and David will have their hands so full. I won't mind giving them a break and keeping her in sunny Florida with me and the boys.
7. We had baby # 2! Tate Walker Sands was born January 1, 2012. He is a blessing in disguise. You know, I really didn't want another baby. I just felt like Tuf was not even a year old and it wasn't fair to him to have another baby while he was still a baby himself! You know what, though? He is truly a blessing. He is the happiest baby ever! Tuf-Man loves him, too! I think of Kylee and me. I think the boys will be best friends forever.

Well, those are the 7 most important things that have happened so far.

Let's move on. Another reason why I wanted to do this with you is because all of the things that Tuf and Tate are doing is so darn cute! I know you would love hearing about it, so this makes me feel like I am telling you everything. :)

Tuf loves giving Tate-Tate sugar. He is all the time kissing on him. I think Tate loves it, too. He smiles so big when Tuf talks to him or kisses him. Tuf likes to push Tate's swing, too. I really think they're going to be best friends just like Kylee and I.

Tuf-man is walking and talking now! He is 15 months old and is such a handful! He has his own mind made up that he is going to do what he wants to and will do what it takes to get it done. He has the cutest personality. He now knows how to fake cry. He will squint his eyes and make a sound like a whine. It is so funny! His favorite songs right now are "If You're Happy and You Know It," "The Wheels on the Bus," "I Love Somebody" (thanks to Aunt Rhonda), and "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain." Anything that he can do the motions with, he likes. He loves music, too! Tuf looks just like Josh did in his baby pictures. I sure am glad I married and had babies with a good-looking man!

Tate-Tate is coo-ing and smiling. He will smile for anything! He woke up this morning at 6:00 just talking to himself. It was so cute. He didn't need anything, just wanted to talk. When Josh went to get him out of his bed, he smiled and talked to him. But when he gets hungy, you better have already thought ahead and gotten his bottle ready. He is a hungry, hungry hippo! He is the "fat baby brother!" I think he looks like me. :)

Mom, these boys bring so much joy to my life. I feel so complete with Josh, Tuf, and Tate. I know the feeling you had when you had us girls.

Kylee is still my best friend. I am so glad I have her. Andy is doing so well. You know, he really loves these grandbabies. He is so proud, it's cute. You would be proud of him.

There's always going to be an empty place in my heart for you. I am doing a good job of distracting myself, but I think of you so much every single day. I don't think there will ever be a day that I don't. I think this will help me fill my void. I need to talk to you. I went from talking to you every single day several times a day to nothing at all. I wish you could be here so we could see you with our babies. You would love them so much. I don't think we would be able to keep you away from all of them! Stealing their sugar...I guess you would become one of the "Blister Sisters." HAHA. I think that term is hilarious. Grandaddy uses it all the time talking about Grandmother, Aunt Hazel, and now Aunt Rhonday. HAHA.

Anyways, I will update again soon. I love you and miss you.

Kam